Up and Down searching for a roof to stay


I feel so numb right now. I feel insane. I feel down. If there are bunnies in my head they probably jumping and running around, don’t know what to do. I have done the exact same thing for almost four months. I wake up, turn my computer and searching for available flat or room in flat-share which I can afford. If they put their mobile phone than I’ll contact them and if I am lucky enough I’ll come to meet with them tomorrow, if not I’ll contact them until they are tired of me. If there is no phone number, I’ll contact them through email and then I’Ll just sit back and drink my tea. Probably from ten people I contacted just 3 of them would make an effort to contact me back saying if we can meet up or if the flat already taken. I appreciate them fondly if they do that because it’s tiring to sit back and wait without even knowing how things will go.

And these all I have done over and over again for almost four months. I have searched for flats in Aachen since June 2014 until now I feel like I am not making any progress despise countless flats and rooms I had seen. There are few flats that making progress but then just to know the landlords are giving the flats to someone else. So I have to search again from the square one. For the first two weeks I was okay with that circumstances, looking for flat, contacting people, seeing them and being denied, however the last three weeks it has been an up and down for me. I am tired of this shit. I am tired of contacting people, talking with them that I need to find new flats and all that shit. Of course I can sit back and relax but then I have this feeling of guilt for slacking around.

“Did I ever tell you the definition of insanity is? Insanity is doing the exact same fucking thing.. over and over again expecting shit to change.” – Vaas Montenegro.

This quote above is a quote in a game Far Cry. It first I wasnt truly sure what Vaas meant. I meant doing the same thing over and over again is a routine but not insanity. However now I can truly relate with him, doing the same thing over and over again, is a routine but doing things over and over again expecting shit to change that is insanity.

I hope I am just in the edge of insanity



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