How can you regret something you wanted before?

Regret is something ugly. One of many negative feeling I don’t want to have not in recent time nor in for a long time. Like any other imperfect human being, I did some impulsive action, make me regret what I did afterward. I regret eating a bag of “Tropicana” Haribo in a day, coming to Germany, enjoying my freedom. I used to longing for freedom, owning my own mind and opinion, to actually have a control over my own life. The fact that I have to look up for somebody, waiting for their response or plan so I could make my own life made me feel restricted. Now that I got my freedom, why don’t I feel free at all? Suddenly, I want to have somebody who’s telling me what I should do, what I should wear and decide what I should eat for dinner. I want something that I know I can depend on, that I know they’re always by my side on a Wednesday
‘s night, watching a ridiculous film together, having a wine date on Thursday night and a lazy afternoon on Sunday, but so in the way they will never cage me in a golden cage. I want it so we can run wild together, side by side and no one is left behind or commanding.

3e2e890a87a782b6e0dfea74ffedd21fThe thing I regret the most is to let my guard down without knowing you first.  Yes, I regret it so much that I’m starting to despise you, cursing my brain for every night I dream about you.

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