Hello-Goodbye

“You be good.”

That was his last word to me and at that moment I know that was our last time. That I won’t be seeing him again nor would I want to see him in a short time and that was our final chapter.

What we had wasn’t even real and I should have known that we couldn’t keep it like that. Maybe I was greedy and I was aware of that, but what I did not know, it would come to an end that fast. We met and we said goodbye. That was it. Period. Just like a line, what met in intersection and never will meet again.

It was first day of summer, or was it? I don’t really remember. Do you see? I don’t even remember anymore how or when we met. That should be a sign enough, to let me know that ahead we will be separated by a fucking big junction. From that on what I still remember is our good time. Fun time. Fuck it just called it summer fling.

We explored our sexuality openly. He opened a door for me so I could exploring thing I have never explored before. He lets me in and showed me what I could do, what I’m capable of, what he was capable of. It was like a drug for me, I couldn’t have enough of it. I was happy, you see at that moment I was alive. Never have I ever been that happy. Never have I ever tasted a drug like his drug. Slowly I was addicted to it. I wanted more even though I know what we had, was a problem. You see, I got a boyfriend and he had his ‘girlfriend’. But still we kept playing this game of two.

My friend told me to be careful because when you play with fire, you could get burned. “Sweetheart, you have to be careful. Don’t let a good fuck think you’re in love.” I should listened to her, I should stop it while I can. But I’m a junkie, as he always called me when I had my second cigarettes. I am a junkie, yes I was a junkie, who couldn’t get enough from his poisonous elixir. Greedy is such an ugly so sin. You want something that you don’t have, you demand something you know you cannot get. In the end you will get hurt by your greediness.

I know he met her long before he met me, but tell me couple of things. Is she lovely? Does she care about him? Does she fuck him better than me? He knows I’m right here, beside him and she’s there thousand miles away from you. I have been in that kind relationship, it sucked. It sucked your energy and your emotion. Is he really sure that was what he wants? Didn’t he tell me not so long ago, love and relationship were not his things? That he probably wasn’t capable of such emotion. Wasn’t what we have was great? No emotion, no string attached, just us and his bed?

Such a pity, just for a moment I enjoyed it with no regret or no hesitation. Turn out of the blue, he had someone beside him. Left me alone in this dark room and he knows how I hate dark room. I hope he saw my face and it reminded him the time we had earlier, the sweet play we played, the secret language that we spoke.

But you know, I wished him the best. I was happy he found what he wasn’t even look at first.

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