Is This The Answer?

 

It was always being a day like this, where I’ll wandering with lots of thought. After that brief encounter, the feelings I have for you, it all mixed into one. What was that? So many questions pop into my head, uncluttered in the back of my mind. Right now, I cannot declutter it and once again you had me.

I wish I can talk it out with you, I wish I can be as nonchalant as you, as unburden as you, as cool as you or so it seems from the outside. I know my face made a weird gimmick when I saw you. At the second, I felt warm in my heart, I wanted to say hello, to ask how you doing, how were your papers, but I guess you didn’t want to encounter anyone right now, me in particularly and my ride arrived.

I remembered seeing you with a beautiful blond young woman, you were happy chatting with her. It might be nothing, but I was impulsive and took it as a sign, maybe this is it. The end of something, which never started.

I felt sadness, grieve and cold air between us. My cheeks burned, I wanted to cry, I wanted to grab you by the hand and invited you for a coffee or a hot cocoa, because I’d always want to share a cup of hot cocoa with you on this rainy day, but I had a feeling you don’t want to see me nor you want to have to do with me anymore.

Maybe my desire to closeness terrorized you, made you uneasy therefore you are slowly avoiding me. If it is so, I’m truly sorry, it was not my intention to make you anxious.

There’s something about the rain or the stormy weather that makes me melancholy but I find serenity in it. As if it washes my burden away, makes it all clear.

So maybe this “hello” or “hi” was our goodbye? At least I saw you that day and at least I had all the western world.

PS: or maybe it is all just in my head?

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