It was still awkward and still nothing like before that "spill the coffee" accident. You were still starring into me with those goddamn beautiful blue eyes and I am still captivated in the deep of the ocean I saw. You still talking casually about your dream and future and little bit here and there about our past and I'm still deciphering every words and every action you did, trying to make nothing anything. With everything that I have, I'm trying to get over it; trying to move on and going on with my life. So far it is a slow progress. I'm still trying to stand on my own to feet. Slowly but sure.
You still have that skill, captivating me, word by word and I'm still trying to hide the fact that I kinda still wondering the "what if" possibilities.
"What if I met you few months back?"
"What if I didn't to pushy?
"What if I didn't expect more than what we have?"
"What if I'm just grateful with what we shared?"
"What if I wasn't too greedy and egoistic?"
"What if I just giving up myself and waited for you?"
"What if I..?"
Just like you know how to read my mind, out of the blue you said…
"things will turned out differently, if we met few months back…" you said with a little laughter and strange mimic i couldn't decipher.
Are you being serious? Are you joking? Only heaven and hell know. Maybe you don't even know what you are saying, maybe you don't even care.
I gave nothing but a gaze, looking for little something that could help me to understand you.
How many months has it passed by? How many lovers declared their love and running away? Things should have been going back to normal, we shouldn't be awkward anymore. I should not be awkward anymore.
The first one hour was difficult for me. I didn't where to see, I didn't know how to behave, I didn't know how to respond you. The meet you again after this long time and after our seperation is strange. We ended thing little too harsh, no notice and cold end. For me to see you again and pretend that nothing ever happen is difficult. However, it is not the case for you. You talked Bahasa Indonesia with that funny impression, you still made that cringe jokes, you still had that tease and flirt and laughed. You are still you. Nothing seems have changed within you, apparently I changed much much more than you. As if I am a complete new person with you, but not in the good way.